Elephants The GBoys take on the Republican Con
by Chibi Lurrel
Summary: Just What the title says! The cast of Gundam Wing show up at the Republican National Convention! Relena swoons for DICK CHENEY! Chaos & Pandimonium Ensue! R&R PLEASE!


The Gundam Boys take on------ *dramtic music* THE REPUBLICAN CONVENTION! 

~whips out her warning sign. stares at it for a minute, shakes her head and throws it away, replacing it with a big ass megaphone~ 

"HELLO THERE!" ~turns it down~ "Warning! Frivolous Dick Cheney bashing! EXCESSIVE GEORGE W. BUSH BASHING! Partially because I live in Texas and in my opinion he's done just a tad bit more than jack diddly for education here...*incohherent mumbling* Uh...oh yeah: Republican bashing! Er Don't worry, though, I'm gonna do a Democrat, one, too! Go ahead and flame me! WAHAHAHAHAHA! I am FLAME-RETARDENT! Ooooh, yeah. Republican gay-policy bashing, too. But it's most definatly *not* gay bashing!!! Erm, you people sure you wanna read this? Oh well, way tooooo much Rep. Con. coverage on TV. I'll stop before you begin hitting the back button repeatedly on your browsers!

Anyways.... One with the show!"

^_~

Elephants: The G-Boys at the Republican Con.

~By Chibi Lurrel, who just can't resist.....~

The Gundam Boys are standing outside the building which was currently housing a mind-boggling amount of middle-aged balding white guys in funny hats. Protesters swarmed around them. Duo tugged on Heero's arm excitedly. "Ooooh! Are we gonna be protesters?? I wanna wear a sign!" A group of pro-choicers ran past them in a flutter of 'Keep your rosaries off my ovaries' signs and pamphlets, being chased by rabid anti-pro-choicers. Duo jumped behind Heero. "They scare me!" "Which ones?" "ALL of them!" Heero grabbed Duo's arm. "C'mon, we'd better get inside." 

All five boys strode up to the door. The guard there eyed them suspiciously. "Who are you? Are you on the list?" Heero nodded. "You don't look like Republicans!" The guard, whose name tag read "Earl" right under Bush 2000, let his gaze rest on Wufei, who glowered at him. "Well, we are on the list!" Quatre piped up, pointing at the paper in Earl's hands and flashing an ID card. The other did the same and the stepped in, thinking they were in for good when they encountered...

THE METAL DETECTORS!

"Oh God." Muttered Duo as Heero blinked at them, and having no pockets in his spandex shorts to empty, stepped through without hesitation. Alarms began to blare. Flashing red lights flashed. Security guards popped up from the un-known to confront him. "WHAT?" he cried, trying to get the spots out of his vision. In a blindingly flash movement, he whipped a gun from *somewhere* in his spandex shorts and handed it to the guard. When he tried to walk through again, the chaos happened again. Heero quickly pulled the other three guns he had concealed on him from God-knows-where and handed them to the guards, and walked through yet again. This time, he was clean.

Duo was next. He grinned jauntily and practically pranced through the detectors. They, of course, went off. Duo then proceeded to pull every gun/knife/brand-of-explosive known to mankind out of his pockets, not to mention 3 rabid ferrets, a sling-shot, and 14 doves that seemed to be stolen from a magic show. The guard was staggering under the weight of all this when Duo pulled the familiar black base-ball cap off his head, pulled a white fluffy rabbit out of it, and placed her on top. The guard toppled over. 

Quatre and Trowa snuck through the detector, not setting it off, as was expected of them. One of the guards politely told Wufei that he would be perfectly happy to check his...erm...katana at the door and Wufei would be able to retrieve it after he left. Wufei responded, just as politely, with quite a few anatomically improbable things that Wufei would *do* with his katana if this was attempted. They calmly let him pass.

Finally, they were in. Not that this was necessarily a good thing, but it's important to the story, so I'll put it in. 

***

Outside, four young women and two young men stood outside the building housing the Republican Convention. Treize looked over at the rest. Noin met his gaze. "You all ready?" she asked. They all nodded. "Well then, let's go bust up a party!" said Hirde, waving a fist. 

They all stormed into the building, wearing trenchcoats ala The Matrix. The guards goggled at them. "All these reckless young folks..." he muttered. "Well? Are ya on the list?" Earl was in a particularly surly mood today. Milliardo nodded, flashed an ID card at him, and stepped in. The others started to follow him. "Eh? Are you all on the list?" Milliardo glared at him. "They're with me." he half-growled in a menacing way. Earl shrugged. "Whatever." The stepped in, and met up with the Metal Detector Guards (TM). They all looked haggard and worn out, and one was chasing a rabid ferret. Zechs nodded at Hirde, Noin, Relena, and Treize (just in case you didn't know who all was there!), and they all yanked open their trench coats, revealing...

...

...

...

...

...

WATER GUNS! They pulled them out and proceeded to wreak havo- er, sub-due the guards! Water and Guards were everywhere! Rabid weasels and glittery white doves where running amock! And we cannot, of course, forget the Killer Bunny Rabbit that Duo pulled out of his hat, who, as I write this, is still at large in Pennsylvania.

***

The scene was so horrific, I don't think I could poast it up on FFN without getting kicked off. So USE YOUR IMAGINATIONS! That is all.

***

Duo had glomped onto the first person he saw in the sea of people selling funny hats. He had so scared the young woman that she gave him one for free. He had proudly replaced his black baseball cap with a silly elephant hat. Wufei glowered at him. "Maxwell, we're not supposed to be *supporting* the Republicans!" "I'm not, Wufei!" Duo cried as he stuck his tongue out at the Chinese boy. "I'm just wearing a funny hat! Here, you can have mine!" He gleefully whomped his hat onto Wufei's head. "Maxwell, I'm warning you..." He shoved the hat back at Duo. "Heero, could you hang onto this for me? I don't have any pockets!" Heero grabbed the hat, and in the same manner the guns had appeared earlier, the hat disappeared. "I'm...not even gonna ask where my hat is."

Ricky Martin music blared at an unhealthy decibel level. "Trowa?" Quatre whimpered. "What is it, little Quatre?" Trowa said, unknowingly putting an arm around his koi. "They dance so badly! It's frightening!" Trowa glanced around. He didn't see any dancing. In fact, most people around them were staring in either disgust, hatred, or pity. "I don't see anyone dancing." he said, puzzled. "They stopped after you put an arm around me!" Quatre hissed, self-conscious. "Trowa no baka! They don't approve of...of...people like us!" Suddenly Trowa understood, and he hastily with-drew. All at once, people began swarming them, waving pamphlets high in the air. "I know somewhere you should go..." "They have correctional institutions for people like you, you know?" "God have mercy on your souls!!!!" Quatre was hiding behind the taller boy. "Trowa!" Suddenly, the crowd parted like the Red Sea. Jim Kolbe, the openly gay Republican Congressman, stormed threw, grabbed Trowa and Quatre by the wrists and pulled them out of the swarm of people. He let them go and looked sternly at them. "You boys should know better than to do things like that *here* of all places! Now you run along. And make sure to listen to my speech on forign trade relations." And then he was gone. Trowa and Quatre looked at each other. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Trowa asked. Quatre nodded. "Right. We won't blow him up!" Trowa nodded back and they tried to find Duo and Heero.

Duo looked around. "Quatre was right! They *are* bad dancers and they *are* scary! Hope him and Trowa are okay." Heero nodded. "Always the chatty one, huh? You know, you never even let me get a word in edge wise!" Duo's voice dropped. "So, what exactly *was* the mission, Heero? You never told us." Heero looked at him. "We are here," he said in hushed tones, "to arrest Governor George Bush. He's the Republican Presidental canidate." "Arrest him? Arrest him for what?" "Cocaine possion." he said with a straight face. Duo sniggered, but said nothing. "Lookies! There he is now! So when are we supposed to do this thing?" "After the Vice Presidental Canidate makes a speech, but *before* the Giant Elephant Pinata rolls around." Duo sniggered again. "And *why*, exactly, are we doing this?" "OZ is going to seize control of the Republican party. That's why." Duo could tell from his tone of voice that the conversation was over. He sighed. 

A Random Speaker Dude (TM) walked up to the stage. "Due to a change in plans, we're going to have the Giant Elephant Pinata BEFORE Mr. Cheeny's speech!" The crowd went wild, screaming and banging weird colored sticks together. The Ricky Martin music played loudly. A Giant Elephant Pinata was lowered into the crowd. "Oh no!" cried Heero. "What?" "That's how OZ is infiltrating the Convention! They can't take over the GOP without Shrub...er...W as a puppet, so they've changed the schudual to prevent his arrest!" 

The Giant Elephant Pinata exploded, much to the badly dancing crowd's dismay. In the wake of lots and lots of shiny confettii, stood Treize, Noin, Une, Milliardo/Zechs, and Relena! "We," yelled Zechs through a big ass megaphone, "Are OZ!" A hush fell over the crowd. "Well, except for Relena. She just tagged along to see Heer-" "DICK CHENEY!" she squealed. Relena had caught sight of Dick Cheney and swooned to the floor. "Erm. Nevermind then." He glanced around at the shocked Republicans. "We're also responsible for around 25% of the funding for this convention." The crowd erupted into cheers. Finally, financial backers that weren't tobacco companies or the NRA! 

Loud, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire music streamed through the building as the bad dancing resumed. 

"Damn!" swore Heero. "Now what?" asked Duo. "We just do what we can." A Random Announcer Dude (TM) came onto the stage. "And now, we will have VP candidate Dick Cheney's speech!" Dick Cheney stepped onto the stage. Relena promptly fainted again. 

But around half-way into Dick Cheney's 6 hour speech, most people were glazed over, several people were snoring, and one person went into a coma. Lieutenant Colonel Lady Une ran up onto the stage, brandishing a gun. She kicked him off the stage. "You are no longer nessicary in this operation!" She shot him on the way down. There were sreams heard as people snapped out of their stupors. "OZ is taking over this convention!" she announced.

People screamed and ran around in frightened circles. The doors were being swarmed to no avail, for they were locked and guarded. "We've got to find Shrub!" "Right!" Duo and Heero started searching through the crowd. They eventually met up with Trowa and Quatre. "Have you seen the Texas governor?" Quatre nodded. "Yup. He's off there meeting with people of 'minority.' Wufei's been roped in to represent the Chinese Republican population." Duo laughed. 

Wufei brandished his katana at the governor. "If you even think about shaking MY hand you have another think coming, sir!" he cried. Bush backed away slowly. Bush Sr. laughed. Heero ran up, holding a pair of hand cuffs. "Governor George W. Bush!?" 

"Yes?"

"You are under arrest for possesion of cocaine!" 

"WHAT!?"

Heero quickly snatched a bag of white powder out of the shocked man's pocket. "This!" He slapped the cuffs onto Bush's wrists and hauled him off to the police escort. Bush Sr. looked after him. "I'll bail you out of this, don't worry! I did the last time!"

***

Later on, outside:

The Gundam Wing boys had somehow managed to escape the carnage, along with Hirde and a flustered looking Relena. "She shot him! Dick CHENEY!" Hirde slapped her. "Come off it! He was old and NASTY!" Relena started yelling at Hirde, who responded appropriatly. BITCH FIGHT!!

Duo and Heero watched on, amused. Duo elbowed Heero in the ribs. "You know, I don't think we have to worry about Relena or Hirde stalking us again!" "Hm? Why's that?" "Well, you how we always resolve our arguements!" Duo replied with a sexy wink. Wufei had a nosebleed. Trowa and Quatre were off picketing for gay marrage to be legalized in states other than Vermont, so they couldn't comment.

~Owari~

~authoresses rambling~

So, how was that!? Hmmm? REVIEW MEEEEEE! I don't care if you flame me, because, as I said before, I am FLAME RETARDENT! BWAHAHAHAHA! 

~dick cheney runs out~ "I'm Dick Cheney, yes I'm the Real Cheney, all you other Dick Cheney's are just imatating! So won't the real Dick Cheney please stand up, please stand up!" ~lady une rushes in and shoot him again~ 

Erm, yes...TOO MUCH DAVID LETTERMEN. Sorry.

Disclaimers-I don't own Gundam Wing. Duh! =P So sue if you must, I only own a refrigerator box! Nyah! Also, I don't own the Republican party (Thank the Goddess!), Dick Cheney, any of the Bush's, the Rep. National Convention, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, The Matrix, Monty Python's Killer Bunny Rabbit, or anything else. I own Earl the security guard, but you can have him! Anyway, why exactly are you reading these when you could be REVIEWING MY STORY, GOSH DERN IT!!!! =P So REVIEW ALREADY!

And yes, the 4th installment of A Slip of a Knife, coming soon! That is all!

Jaa ne! ^_~


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